Should You Spend the Night Before the Wedding Together or Apart?

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Weddings are surrounded by traditions, some going back hundreds of years. It can be hard for modern couples to decide which of these traditions to honor and which to discard. For example, there is the well-known tradition of brides and grooms spending the night before the wedding apart. With so many couples living together, sometimes for years before marriage, this can present a bit of a dilemma. The good news is that there is no wrong answer! However, there are pros and cons to each scenario, depending on your perspective (and how traditional you are). Here are a few questions to ask yourselves when making the decision.

What will be the most calming?

Weddings days are busy and emotional, so the most important factor in how you spend the night before the wedding is that you’re able to be rested and relaxed. For some couples, staying together is a good way to soothe those pre-wedding jitters. Many say they sleep better with their partner beside them. It can also add a sense of normalcy and routine to an otherwise crazy time. For other couples, a night apart is the more calming option, giving them some quiet time to center themselves before a milestone moment.

Do you want to build anticipation?

One of the great advantages to spending the pre-wedding night apart is that it allows you to build a sense of anticipation. The excitement of not seeing one another increases the intensity of the experience when you walk down the aisle, and gives you that ‘big reveal’ moment. On the other hand, if you’re already planning a first look, or don’t crave that kind of intensity, this won’t be a factor for you.

Will you be missing out on quality time with others?

Many couples who still choose to spend the night before their wedding apart, spend it instead with their families or bridal parties. A night with your bridesmaids can have a fun sleepover feel, and be a celebration of your friendships. Or perhaps you’d love to spend some quality time with your immediate family. If you normally live far away from those you love, you might not get another chance soon. There’s also a lovely feeling of being ‘sent off’ by your family or friendship group into your new life.

Are you planning a destination wedding?

When you spend the night together in your own house, you run the risk of it feeling like just a regular night, but when you’re in a new location, it inherently feels more like an adventure. There are also practical considerations like hotel rooms, costs, and whether avoiding one another completely in a small space is realistic. Of course, even if you’re having a destination wedding you can go the traditional route, but you may need some help from your wedding planner in coordinating the details.

Ultimately, the choice of whether to stay together on the night before the wedding is completely up to you. And as with all other wedding traditions, you should only follow it if it’s meaningful to you!

Top image by IN Photography

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